


Killers

by happyxwalsh



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Depressing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 12:21:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15364596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happyxwalsh/pseuds/happyxwalsh
Summary: If the K5 got killer posters too, and Connor didn’t handle the guilt well.





	Killers

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING:
> 
> THERE ARE DESCRIPTIONS OF SELF-HARM. 
> 
> IF YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT HURTING YOURSELF OR ARE, PLEASE TALK TO A FRIEND OR COUNSELLOR. I DON’T RECOMMEND READING THIS, IF YOU EXPERIENCING. 
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL AND I WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU STAY SAFE. YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN YOU KNOW. <3

Everyone in the room sits in shock; across Annalise Keating’s board is six posters with the word ‘killer’ on top of the people featured on the poster: Annalise, Wes, Connor, Michaela, Laurel, and Asher. All the other students gasp and dart their eyes around to the ‘killers’ faces. The K5 look horrified, as their true selves are being unveiled in front of everyone.

Connor holds back the tears in his eyes. He finally faces his worst nightmare, and Oliver is there to see it. The older man glances at him and immediately wants to hold him; Connor simply doesn’t deserve this, especially after he just got broken up with. If only their timing was better.

Moments after the lecture finishes, they all head over to the clinic in silence. The K5 sink into their chairs and continue to uphold the quiet. “So...” Wes begins, adjusting his posture ever so slightly, “that was-“

“Deserved?” Connor sadly spoke, while staring at desk, avoiding all eye contact with his fellow partners in crime.

“I was going to say bad, but you’re not far off. We need to ignore this and keep on acting like everything is fine.”

“It’s never been fine,” Michaela corrects, sighing into her hands, “you can’t expect us to act normal, when we don’t even understand what normal is anymore.”

While the five messed up individuals think about how last year changed them forever, Oliver works up the courage and goes over to talk to them. “Hey, are- are you guys okay?” He sweetly asks. The K5’s attention is on him, except for one. _Connor_. Connor is continuing to numb out the voices screaming in his head. The older man might have been an angel with helping him with his anxiety, but he now has to deal with it on his own. So, he does what he does best: completely numbing himself of all feelings. It’s not easy to burn your pain to ash, although Connor does a pretty good job of it. Or at least he tells himself that.

Oliver notices Connor’s silence, which is a sure sign of absolute pain. He knows that when he’s silent there’s a deadly storm swirling in his head and it’s killing every good part of him. “Connor, can I talk to you for moment?” The hacker places his hand gently on his ex’s shoulder, taking him out of his thoughts. All the younger man can do is nod and walk over the hackers desk, “I’m sorry about what just happened to you. I’d ask if you’re okay, but I can tell you’re not.”

“I’m okay, it’s a little unsettling to start off your first day of term with an accusation like that,” The law student makes out a fake faint smile, repeating the image of Sam and Sinclair in his mind. The smell of their corpses will never leave him, they’ll always be following him around like an unwanted presence. It’ll be there until he dies, if he hasn’t already.  
                  -•-•-•-  
It’s been a week since the first killer posters popped up, but there are now many more up around the school. _‘How didn’t I see this coming?’_ Connor thought to himself, staring at the tv screen but not paying attention to the show playing. His mind consumes all the bad things and throws them back at him, after setting them on fire. It’s a painful thing to get something off your brain, when it’s engraved.

“We’re heading out and we’ll be back around midnight. Have fun,” Michaela smiles, grabbing hold of Asher’s hand, making her way over to the door. The law student doesn’t speak back; all of his words are twisted up and would only choke him if he spoke. He only has the power to stiffly smile and wave goodbye.

As the door shuts, the younger man breathes out while the rapid pace of pain increases in his brain. Everything shifts into a dark place and seems much more loud than it used to be. He slowly moves himself till he’s lying in Michaela’s couch and focusing up on a small crack on the ceiling. To him, it looks like a scar. One that he aches to be on his skin- that’s when it hits him... what he should do. His tired body shuffles over to the kitchen, opens the knife door, and harms himself. Blood trickles down his wrist, releasing a sense of relief. But soon after that feeling is a rainstorm. Tears fall until they drip off his chin and on to the floor.

The feeling of complete and utter worthlessness just got worse. Connor stands in the kitchen alone, and suffering, but he’s not so silent anymore.  
                  -•-•-•-  
Asher sneaks out of Michaela’s room, gently closing her door behind him. He tiptoes over to the kitchen, peering over his shoulder to check on Connor. With everything, he’s worried about him. Sure, they’re not best friends but he’s allowed to feel concerned. Connor is lying on his back with his right arm dangling off the couch. At first, Asher doesn’t give it much thought until he sees _it_. A scar on his wrist. He wants to wake him up and hug him. The torn man resists and swallows down the guilt, knowing he’ll have to go to Oliver for help when he gets to work.

After a few hours, they all arrive at work. Asher kept Connor’s secret to himself, not telling Michaela; and Connor has been quiet ever since what happened. Going back to something that he hasn’t done in years is dreadfully discouraging, and it’s trapping him in a box of past pain. But boxes can only hold so much.

“Hey, Oliver,” Asher began, leaning on the older man’s desk, “can I ask you for some... _advice_?”

“Yeah, do you want to go somewhere to discuss it?” Oliver asks, somewhat alerted because he can’t remember the last time someone asked for his guidance.

They both walk over to the little corner where the vending machines are, getting an odd glance from the law student that they’re going to talk about. If only he knew what was going on.

“So, I wanted to ask you about Connor. I know it’s a touchy subject, but he doesn’t tell us anything about him. I don’t even know his birthday- I’m getting off subject. Here goes. Do you think- would Connor ever _hurt_ himself?” Oliver felt his heart sink to the bottom of his chest, as guilt flows through his veins. He should have been there for Connor and help him through this, but he didn’t. And the younger man paid the consequences on his skin.

“He hasn’t done something like that before, as far as I know. Except, you never know with him. The thing about Connor is that he can go through a hell load of pain, and still act like nothing is wrong. It’s his superpower. He saves a lot of people the struggle of helping by concealing it all away, like he means nothing. I’ll talk to him because I’m assuming since you came to me you haven’t confronted him yet,” the hacker observes, smiling a little to take away some of the tension.

“Yeah, I wish you luck because he won’t react well to people caring about him. Oh, and the cut is on his right wrist,” Asher drags his feet over to his desk, while Oliver goes to Connor and grabs ahold of his left hand to usher him far away from the clinic.

They find themselves in a janitor’s closet with a uncomfortable silence hanging in the air. “Ollie, what’s this about? Because I’m very confused right now and kind of scared.”

“Lift up your right sleeve,” Connor is taken back by Oliver’s words. _‘He knows and he’ll never look at me the same again. Oliver will only see me as some damaged goods.’_ The law student feels his anxiety rapidly increase, like he’ll break into a panic attack.

“No,” he hides his arm behind his back, “why?”

“Because I love you and I want to know if you did something _stupid_ ,” the sudden ‘I love you’ tore down Connor’s defences, showing his vulnerability in his eyes. And with that split second, Oliver takes his chances and grabs the hidden away arm to reveal a cut on his wrist. Tears well the younger man’s eyes, feeling ashamed for what he did; whereas, Oliver’s heart shatters. He wished it wasn’t true, but it is. Connor hurt himself, and Oliver wasn’t there to help. The older man stares at the wound in shock, not realising that Connor began sobbing. Once the noise from his mouth gets louder, he glances up. The law students cheeks are a glassy mess, his nose a shade of red. “Connor...” Oliver holds him close, wanting to take every inch of pain away from him. This broken man buried his head deep into the other man’s shoulder. In the midst of all of this, Oliver muffles into Connor’s hair, “Why don’t we head back to mine and talk- away from all the people?” The younger man agrees and they both disappear off to their safe haven.

As the two arrive at apartment 303, they both silently shuffle in through the door; they’ve been quiet since they left the clinic. But now that’s going to change. No more silence. “Why didn’t you call me?” Oliver suddenly questions, surprising Connor slightly, “you know that if you ever called me saying you needed help, I’d be there.”

“Would you? An ex calls you saying they’re about to hurt themselves, you’d actually believe them?”

“Only you. And I can say that because I’ve always been cautious that you’d replace drugs with-“

“Oh. Guess that does make sense,” Connor stares down at his feet, in shame.

“Why did you do what you did? Is it the posters? Because you shouldn’t let things like that get to you.”

“Even if it’s true?” The younger man looks up, with tears running down his face. “That I’m a monster, nothing more than a _killer_ ,” Connor’s knees buckle, as he breaks down in tears. Oliver watches him, with a heavy heart. His legs rush over to the law student and holds him from his right side. Connor’s sobs become more violent, but then the older man just grips on tighter. Oliver knows he’ll have to get answers out of him, however, right now that doesn’t matter. All he cares about is making sure Connor is okay.


End file.
